7 Signs Your Husband is Cheating (and How to Make Him Stop
You don’t have proof yet, but your gut tells you that he’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Your instincts are telling you that he is lying.
Your inner voice keeps whispering in your brain: He is cheating on you.
Is it the young woman at work that “he’s just friends” with? Or the old flame that he’s been chatting with on Facebook?
Has he become distant, silent, and won’t touch you or look you in the eyes? Does it just feel that he’s not interested in you anymore?
Common Signs Your Husband is Cheating
The truth is that there are dozens, even hundreds of warning signs when a husband is cheating.
For me (and for many women I know), it was a deep instinct, an inner voice nagging at me, warning me that even though my husband is still living with me, emotionally he has checked out of our marriage a long time ago.
Sadly, in most cases, these instincts turn out to be a heart-stabbing reality. And even if he isn’t cheating (yet), he is vulnerable to being stolen by another woman.
If your instincts confuse you right now, a few common signs your husband is cheating are:
1. Visible Signs – if your husband made a sudden and drastic makeover (wardrobe changes, grooming habits, personal hygiene), it’s probably not for you. More than likely, he is trying to impress someone else.
2. Work Habits – men often use their job as a cover for an affair. Any change in his daily work routine may be a sign that he is cheating.
3. The Way He Relates ToYou – this can go in 2 directions: Either he is suddenly MORE affectionate and caring (for no apparent reason) or he is extremely distant, avoiding contact and not communicating.
4. Financial Habits – if your husband is seeing someone else, he’ll want to take her out and give her things (the way he gave you at the beginning of your relationship).
No matter how badly he’ll try to hide it, sooner or later this will be reflected in your family finances.
5. Sex – changes in the frequency or the quality of your sex life may be warning signs of an affair. Wants more sex than he used to? A sign. Wants less sex? Also a sign.
6. Travel – your husband may be using travel (for work) as an opportunity to cheat away from prying eyes.
7. Emotional Affair Signs – if your husband is sharing his private thoughts and feelings with someone else, this is a definite warning sign of an emotional affair.
If he gets angry when you ask him questions about a female friend, don’t ignore it.
The Single Most Important Mistake to Avoid
I know how impossible it feels to resist the urge to confront him with your suspicions – but I urge you to stop, unless you have solid and irrefutable evidence.
Accusing your husband of cheating without proof will lead to catastrophe, in 2 ways:
1. If you have no proof he will deny and most probably run (angrily) out of the house, which gives him a chance to “get his story straight“. This will lead to more lying and things getting worse.
2. Confronting him without proof will give him time to decide what he wants to do next – stop cheating and work on your marriage, or leave you for the other woman.
You don’t want this decision to be made under pressure.
No matter how hard it is for you to grasp right now, I want you to know that you CAN have it all back.
The soft touch on your arm as you’re walking together, that loving glance across the dinner table, his love, admiration, and respect.
You CAN get through this and make your marriage better than it ever was. If you use a few clever techniques(like I did), you can make him beg to hold you close in his arms and regret the day he ever laid eyes on another woman.
What about you? Do you have a deep feeling that something is up? Which signs have you noticed?
7 Signs of a Cheating Wife in Columbus,
How to spot signs of an affair
Signs your wife is cheating
As far back as biblical times, Solomon, the legendary king, philosopher, teacher, and serial womanizer of ancient Israel warned us of the fickle and, all too often, adulterous ways of women. Of course Solomon was engaged in sanctioned adultery with his 700 wives and 400+ concubines due to the patriarchal and polygamous nature of the society in which he lived. But this standard, of course, did not work both ways. A woman caught in an adulterous relationship in these times might pay with her life as she could legally be dragged outside the city walls and stoned to death by the rest of the citizenry. A pretty awful way to go and a huge double standard if there ever was one.
Why do I go into all of this? Because Solomon is widely regarded as one of the wisest men to ever live. And in case you’re wondering, yes, he has been proven to be a historical figure, not just a biblical allegory. In his writings Solomon gives us literally hundreds of warnings about the cunning, subtle, and even conniving ways of unfaithful women. Creatures who will stop at nothing to get what they want, secure their future, and set up a lifestyle for themselves that they feel entitled to. In our society most of the “cheating” attention seems to be focused on men because supposedly they are the “dogs” always on the prowl for their next sexual conquest. This is probably true because men are generally more obvious about things whereas women are generally infinitely more skilled in subtlety, deception, compartmentalizing their true motives. Hence, the cheating wife. So, how do you know if your wife is having an affair? What are the signs of a cheating wife? Here are a few that I think stand out.
Things That Give the Cheating Wife Away
The first, and most obvious: you’re getting no play in the bedroom. Maybe she’s been treating it like a “duty” for awhile now, but still did perform her wifely duty on a semi-regular basis. But now… nothing.
She has been working part-time only for years so she could focus on being a mother, homemaker, and social butterfly in her various women’s endeavors. But suddenly she has decided to dedicate herself more fully to growing and developing her career. Sounds like she’s getting ready for some sort of leap or change doesn’t it?
She comes home with a new work phone one day, not having changed jobs. She’s been with her employer for years and has never needed a phone before.
She begins to dress less conservatively, wearing sexier more revealing, yet still professional outfits. She wants to be seen by somebody and it doesn’t appear to be you.
She begins to talk just a little too much about her male colleagues and her collaborations with them. But her comments are always skillfully woven into a plausible and seemingly benign framework. Again, in general, women are better at this than men.
Her Victoria’s Secret monthly bill suddenly doubles. You don’t remember that many new and sexy ensembles.
She just doesn’t seem to have the energy or interest to be your shoulder and your confidant to unload your life’s troubles, worries, private struggles onto anymore. This flies right in the face of the type of partnership that marriage is supposed to embody. A partnership that she used to embrace and encourage you to embrace as well. She wanted to hear about your deepest feelings, troubles, triumphs, insecurities, and breakthroughs. Now she is distracted and couldn’t seem to care less.
I hope you don’t find yourself identifying with all of these signs, but if you do, I think it may be time for a talk with your wife, because she may be having an affair.
You think you’re having a good relationship and suddenly you’re faced with the fact that you’ve been duped. Why do men cheat? All the flaw in the woman? What was wrong, and you were deceived? We put all them together in the list of 10 most common reasons why men are cheating. If hundreds of questions like this suddenly start to go through your mind, don’t look for all the flaws in yourself. Sometimes mutual mistakes can result in the deception of both sides.
Why is that? Why would he continue to cheat even after he was caught? Why do they persistently deceive, even if they know that their relationship will end, or if they anticipate that they will divorce as a result of this deception? In fact, there may be more than one reason for a man’s deception, and if you see these patterns of behaviour in your loved one, maybe you should start thinking about your relationship.
Women are cheating, men are cheating… But in some cases, the reason for your cheating is not about you, but about your partner’s previous life. In fact, most of the time, your partner’s previous life, in the relationship with you may not survive traumas may have emerged.
Betrayal is the biggest problem among spouses today. Especially many women have the idea that there are no males cheating. Why do men cheat? Here, the answer.
Main Reasons Why Men Are Cheating
Almost all women are convinced that there is no unfaithful man because they are constantly confronted with appropriate reasons. Therefore, it can be very difficult for women to trust men. But why do men need to betray? In the studies conducted in the USA, it has been observed that men who betray their spouses necessarily give them fairness ’. Men are cheating on their partners for the following reasons:
1. The Man Is Not Mature Enough
Why do men cheat? If the person you love has never been fully connected to a relationship before and cannot realize that his actions have hurt his partner, you are in a serious situation. For a man who has never experienced the concepts of loyalty, commitment and promise in any of his previous relationships, cheating can turn into a very normal act. Moreover, in this type of man who thinks monogamy is a jacket that he can wear only when he wants to, cheating has become commonplace.
The first sheath that men make up to deceive is the decrease in their feelings towards their partner over time. However, men who do not want their family to be spoiled, it is normal to secretly establish a relationship with other women.
2. Addiction Problems
Why do men cheat? Do not always look for the reason for your deceit. For a long time, many unresolved problems, such as alcohol and drug addiction or even gambling addiction, may have turned you into cheating. However, while a man cannot even admit this addiction to himself, he suddenly begins to have relationships that he will regret later, and deception becomes a habit. In deceptions due to addiction, a man tries to escape the life he is unhappy and his bad habits. In the end, she becomes a profile that deceives herself and the woman she loves and runs away from real life. In addition, if a woman speaks head-to-head and doesn’t listen to what the man is saying, this can easily lead the man to other women because it cools down from the relationship between men who cannot express themselves and are constantly subjected to pressure from someone who speaks.
3. Doesn’t He Have Enough Self-confidence?
Why do men cheat? A man may find himself too old, too young, and too ugly. Maybe he thinks he doesn’t have enough handsome money for women to like him. Maybe he’s not smart enough, maybe he doesn’t have enough charisma. Perhaps, he has entered a middle age crisis … If thousands of reasons like this go through a man’s mind, there is a ’mistrust’ problem here. Men who do not find themselves sufficient in any subject will make extra efforts to attract women’s attention. Women need approval to pull up their ego crawling on the floor. Therefore, it should be liked and requested by women. The more women he’s interested in, the better he feels. Women generally prefer to submit to their husband’s betrayal. The reason for this is the thought of preventing the destruction of their families. Nevertheless, only the man in this situation makes the betrayal a habit.
4. Ending Relationships
Why do men cheat? Another reason for deception is that the relationship is actually over. The man is extremely unhappy with his relationship, but he doesn’t have the guts to say it. Until he tells his partner that he is unhappy and wants to leave, he continues to cheat on him. Actually, what the man wants here is to leave the “dirty job” entirely to the female side. He may be expecting the woman who realizes he’s been cheated on to say, “This relationship is over.” In general, all men tend to have sexual contact with different women. They think that they have to evaluate this opportunity.
5. He Wants To End Your Relationship, but First He Needs To Find a New One
Why do men cheat? He wants to end the relationship with you, but he doesn’t intend to say that until he finds a new candidate. So we continue to deceive you to get to know new candidates, while your relationship with you continues. The fact that different women are attracted to men is like a big piece of rock removed from the betrayal. In addition, the interest of women spoils men.
6. Selfishness Only
Why do men cheat? His first priority in life and his usual priority can only be himself. Whether his partner is upset or hurt him or not is not a point he never thinks. Meanwhile, lies continue to lie and deceive secretly. As long as he wants to continue to deceive conscience may not suffer. The cheating men argue that their partners do not take care of them and are not as interested as they used to be. That’s why they say they move away from their wives.
7. He May Think That He is Unique and Incomparable?
Why do men cheat? If a man finds himself different and unique from other men, deception is inevitable. Because he is different and superior to other men. Moreover, a man who defines himself as unique in this way wants to have more than other men do. Normal rules, customs and traditions do not apply to it. He convinces himself that he is different from other men and wants to be with more than one woman as a reward. Deception is the greatest reward he has ever given him. Men do not doubt that their betrayal will occur before their spouses catch themselves. That’s why women don’t feel cheated. However, men are deceived by women is estimated in a short time.
8. With a Momentary Impulse…
Why do men cheat? In fact, he never thought of cheating, and he had never cheated before. But I was deceived by an impulse that was and was suddenly conditioned. While most deceptions have been influenced by past experiences, such deception has ‘opportunity’ rather than past experience. For instance, a man who does not think of cheating but has an opportunity before him acts impulsively without considering the harm that betrayal will cause. In time, everything becomes commonplace, including sexuality, between married couples. Usually this excitement of mediocrity ends with passion and loyalty over time. Therefore, men seek to seek passion and difference in other women.
9. Unrealistic Expectations
Why do men cheat? The woman must meet all her expectations, understand all aspects of her, and respond to all her desires 24/7 Here, a man who has such unrealistic expectations can never find exactly what he is looking for. The man, who ignores the fact that women have their own boundaries, world, desires and desires and fails to create a common life, will seek out their unrealistic expectations.
10. Is He Cheating To Get Revenge?
Why do men cheat? He may be cheating to get revenge on you. He doesn’t need to tell lies and hide from you in this kind of deception. Because he wants you to hear, to know. Its purpose is to hurt you and make you suffer. In fact, deception derives from a passion for excitement in itself. In addition, men can also betray themselves to make a difference and increase the movement in their lives.
5 Reasons Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex
Remember when you and your wife were dating? It was really difficult to keep your hands off each other. You wanted her and she wanted you. That felt so good. It was awesome. There’s no better feeling than being desired. After marriage, and particularly after having kids, things have a way of changing. You are still ready to go every night, but she’s not. What happened? You feel like you rarely have sex anymore, and when you do, it feels like she’s doing you a favor.
You work out, you look good, but it doesn’t make a difference. You’re lost. This whole married sex thing was supposed to be different. Couples counseling might be something to consider for deeper insight. However, these 5 reasons your wife doesn’t want sex will help you understand and show you .
Action: Talk to her about her. Find out how she is feeling, her insecurities, fears, and struggles. Also, share how you are feeling. Look at her–no distractions. Get tunnel vision for her. “Clear the mechanism.”
2. She doesn’t feel sexy.
“The best place your wife can get affirmation is from you.”
Her body has changed since having kids. She knows it and she probably thinks about it all the time, constantly comparing herself to other women. Even when she returns to her pre-kid body, I guarantee she’s still comparing–desperate for affirmation. The best place she can get it is from you.
Action: Affirm her. She needs to feel your passion for her in your words, body language, and eyes. Tell her she’s sexy and why—particularly when she makes a negative comment about herself. When you get home from work, greet her with a long hug and kiss before you greet the kids. Look into her eyes and don’t be in a hurry to look away. When you’re out, direct your eyes to her rather than other places. Give her a look that communicates, in a room full of people, she’s the only one you want to talk to. The best place your wife can get affirmation is from you.
Studies show that over the course of a relationship, a woman’s desire for sex decreases while her desire for tenderness increases. The problem is that our desire for sex stays just as high as always. Even at its highest state, her appetite might not have been as high as yours and probably never will be.
Action: Recognize this reality and be patient with her. Reach out to her with physical and emotional tenderness. That’s what she wants and needs. Try to meet her needs before your own.
4. She is tired, stressed, or depressed.
Motherhood is exhausting, emotionally draining, and stressful. Once again, depending on the depth of her anxiety and/or depression, you may want to seek counseling.
Action: Give her some rest. Take the kids out for a day, run some errands for her, or clean the house. If she is stressed or depressed, rub her shoulders without her having to ask you to do it. Give her a foot or full body massage. Tell her to kick back and relax. Give her music to listen to and light some candles. Take her tension away.
5. She’s focused on being a mom, not a wife.
Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the perfect mom–to have it all together. They beat themselves up for every little mistake or lack of knowledge. They compare and can obsess over eliminating imperfections. Sometimes our relationship as husband and wife gets lost. That’s not good. Your intimate relationship is important and needs her attention, too.
Action: You need to talk to her about how you feel. However, make sure you are not prosecuting or pressuring her. Encourage her about how amazing she is as a mom. Let her know though that you miss her, want her, and desire her. It might even be okay to use the word jealous here. Your biggest concern should be for more intimacy–a significant need for each of you.
Sound off: What has helped you overcome your wife’s lack of desire for sex?
14 Secrets to a Great Relationship
There are so many places for couples to get advice on what behaviors make a great relationship thrive, and last. Endless blogs, books, and articles offer suggestions about how intimate partners can be successful. Yet, even when they embrace great communication, sexual regeneration, trust, and endurance during the tough times, little more than 50 percent seem to make it long-term.
There is equally as much information about what can sabotage a relationship, how to avoid disasters before they occur, and new data that has rarely been addressed before. Because of the openness of personal information about so many populations, most people can find their place in almost every kind of relationship description.
Yet, so many are still struggling to find the right person, build a quality relationship, and hold on to it. They read the right books, practice the meaningful suggestions, and commit to making things better, yet still can’t seem to capture the essence of what makes a great relationship.
As a relationship therapist for more than four decades, I’ve watched these sources of advice come and go. I’ve seen which skills work and which don’t. Highly-respected relationship gurus have seen their ideas wax and wane as the media waves its biased wand.
I’ve also seen many couples in great relationships that don’t follow the popular advice, yet prosper anyway. They get that the well-worn suggestions are important, but know that they’re not enough. They have found their own ways to interact that are not commonly talked about.
In the last few years, I’ve watched these outliers more carefully, paying close attention to the subtle interactions that make them special. I’ve kept track of many of them for a decade or more, just to be certain that what I’ve noticed holds over time. Beyond mastering the skills of quality interactions, they practice a way of being together that is uniquely and emotionally reverent. These behaviors are not always obvious but they are rarely missing.
Below I share 14 of the underlying behaviors of partners who not only stay together, but get closer and more committed to each other over time. Praise yourself if you already practice them in your relationship, but don’t disparage your own efforts even if some of these are missing:
They don’t share private knowledge of each other without permission.
With the Internet’s many open options for communication, there is hardly anything anyone can do or say that is not in some data bank, somewhere, and often forever. Even information shared in person-to-person contact can be taken out of turn in another situation, even innocently. Partners who deeply respect each other’s vulnerable secrets keep those between them. They don’t tell anyone anything the other partner hasn’t agreed what, or with whom, can be shared outside of the relationship. That honoring of individual boundaries results in a trust that each can rely upon. It is potentially humiliating if one partner finds out that the other has told someone something that is private and ends up in the company of the other confidante. That is especially troubling when the person betrayed finds out about it at some later time.
They have courageous openness.
It is sometimes difficult to share emotions or thoughts with an intimate partner that might hurt or distance him or her. Truth can hurt, even when it is intentional. But unresolved anger, resentment, confusion, sorrow, or fear that partners withhold from each other can do much more damage over time if it is not shared. Unfortunately, many people, fearful that what they say will be heard incorrectly or used against them, keep those feelings inside. They may, instead, try to figure out the relationship in their own heads, rather than directly working it out with their partners. Couples who accept and embrace the fact that they can only heal what they can see, want to face whatever distress, embarrassment, or threatening thoughts they might have at any time. They want to know, no matter how much the relationship may need work, as soon as there is potential damage possible. They know that avoiding issues is much more likely to result in bigger problems down the line.
They respect and honor unequal appetites.
No couple I’ve ever seen has exactly the same needs at any time, or feels exactly the same intensity when they do occur. Whether it’s about sexual frequency, social attachments, external family obligations, distribution of assets, personal availability, or external unshared interests, great partners don’t invalidate the other’s desires. They know that they must love each other when they don’t always get what they want, and they are committed to being fair when they negotiate their differences.
They hold the same commitment to their mutually created relationship rules.
Underlying every great relationship is a couple’s parallel commitment to the same basic values that are unique to that relationship. Knowing that people change, they also keep those beliefs up to date, and don’t change their behaviors without checking in first. Voting up front is a guarantee for both of them so that there are no negative surprises or hidden exclusions. They can, and often do, disagree about how to go about manifesting those basic agreements, but they each know that those mutual agreements are the foundation that keeps their trust in each other alive.
They keep an emotional “red phone” connection available at all times.
All couples argue and feel deep hurt and anger when they can’t seem to satisfy the other without giving up self. But, even in the midst of the most difficult moments, if either partner is in trouble, those resentments are instantly replaced with compassion and support. When faced with unexpected sorrow or significant loss of any kind, each partner knows that the other will be there unconditionally. That underlying support is not only guaranteed, but grows stronger each time it is called upon.
They personally experience each other’s sorrow.
Even when the relationship is strained, partners in great relationships always care about the other’s pain. As soon as the issues between them settle, they immediately move to the other partner’s side and try to help heal the hurt, even if the issue between them has caused it. Even when the other can’t take in the caring right away, they don’t stop offering it until it can be received. There is genuine remorse and sorrow that intense personal needs can, and often do, temporarily get in the way of compassion and support of the other. They also maintain an emotional record of those hurtful moments, always working to lessen them and replace them with better interactions in the future.
They practice mutual emotional chivalry.
Sacrifice is often required in great relationships, but martyrdom and resentment can annul the positive effects of that kind of one-sided generosity. Partners who love each other deeply give from the heart whenever they can, even when that sacrifice may require giving up of their own needs at the time. Both partners do not take unfair advantage of the other’s offerings, and keep a compassionate tally. They know that sometimes one partner must give more than the other, but there is no fear that won’t be reciprocated or not appreciated in the long run.
They trust each other’s good intentions.
Everyone is self-centered and self-promoting at times and all behaviors are driven by a combination of altruism and selfishness at any one time. But people who trust each other’s basic selves, know that the underlying commitment to care for the other is always underneath and available. Both partners support the other’s right to be self-serving when they need to assert their priorities or needs, but they also know that they can ask for the sacrificing of those behaviors if they are in trouble. Even when there are pressing and mutually exclusive needs, the partners never fault one another for having them.
They expect each other to be courageous and strong when needed.
Anyone can fall apart when stresses accumulate and resources diminish. The partners in great relationships are automatically sympathetic and compassionate when crises occur, but they do expect, and lean on each other’s strengths. Even when tragedy strikes, they are courageous in their teamwork to fight the challenges together, knowing that each will do his or her part to help in the best way they can. There is the expectation that each stays as strong as they can, but if either folds, the other is there to carry the load.
They are committed to loving each other more deeply after each rupture.
Cynicism and pre-defeat are the true enemies of long-term love. They create thickening walls of withholding and self-protection. Great couples understand the dangers of not coming through hurt and misunderstandings with more clarity, insight, and renewed commitment. With each conflict that may threaten their relationship, they push to rectify wrongs and to learn from their mistakes. They are committed to starting each new interaction armed with greater understanding, undefeated by what they’ve lost in the past.
They believe that the other is committed to doing the best he or she can.
So many intimate relationships end because one partner thinks that the other isn’t trying as hard as they could to make things better. Great couples know, trust, and care for each other so deeply, that they believe their partners are doing the best they can in each circumstance. Many behaviors can be changed, especially if people work hard at them, but some are harder to alter. Sometimes, no matter how hard someone works at something, he or she can only change so much. The last thing they need is to be pushed harder in areas that they already know they are less than okay. They give and receive hall passes for the things they cannot accomplish and know they are deeply appreciated for what they can.
They are in it for the long haul.
The couples in great relationships literally never want to lose each other. They are simply not willing to risk the relationship by doing anything that would cause it to permanently rupture. They feel connected in each other’s hearts and experience a chosen inter-dependence that makes both of them better people for loving each other. Together, they make together more of the sum of their individual parts.These behavioral commitments are crucial to the fabric of every great relationship. They may not be widely advertised or routinely talked about, but they are unmistakably present. All relationships have their share of heartbreaks and ruptures, but people who deeply love each other don’t run away or shut each other out when their relationship is in trouble. When things go awry, they try harder to do what it takes to work out their problems and keep their love alive.
They never kick the other when they’re down.
Long-time lovers are in tune with each other’s failings and self-criticisms. They try to never make the other feel embarrassed or humiliated when he or she can’t live up to expectations of self or the other. When one partner feels down on him or herself already, the other doesn’t add to that pain and stays supportive. Part of the core trust of a relationship is that the partners know how much pain each other feels when they fail, and will not add anything that might increase that sadness or frustration.
They treasure each other’s presence in their lives.
They know that tomorrow is a fantasy and that true security is an illusion. When they leave each other, they are very aware that seeing each other again is not an automatic conclusion. Goodbyes are always accompanied by that realization and when they see each other again, they are deeply grateful. People who have suffered great loss automatically know this, but it is a lesson well understood and remembered.
article continues after advertisement.
There are many more relevant relationship behaviors that I’ve seen, just not as often as these 14 that show up again and again in resilient relationships that don’t fold under stress, or weaken through challenge. The partners in these unions know what they have, know that it is rare, and do everything they can to keep it that way.
Dr. Randi’s free advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding and keeping romantic love. Based on over 100,000 face-to-face hours counseling singles and couples over her 40-year career, you’ll learn how to zero in on the right partner, avoid the dreaded “honeymoon is over” phenomenon, and make sure your relationship never gets boring.